cornucopia of blurbs

these next four were for an article of April Fools blurbs.

Yale Bans Women:
"One professor who wished to remain anonymous said he felt that Yale “was getting back to its roots” with this decision, adding, “I mean, this is Yale University. But you walk around campus today and you’d think you’re at some sort of quilting circle or Lilith fair. Where are the tweed jackets? The cigars? By god, where is all the latent homoeroticism masked as pedagogy?”"


Bulldogs in Somalia:
"Most of what you learn at Yale is so academic, so inapplicable to the real world. I feel like I actually learned something practical: how to raid a boat.”


Old Campus Gets its Name:
"And so, on Apr. 19, 1810, Connecticut Hall became a temporary dormitory for the displaced seniors of New Haven. From the saggy to the spry, naked one and all, 20 New Haven seniors living on welfare came to reside at Yale College."


The Great A Cappella Ban of 1956:
"Begun during the rationing of World War II, when instruments had to be chopped up for firewood, a capella was something of an accident. In 1956, then-President Kingman Brewster, ’41, banned the activity, as instruments were once again plentiful."



and another for an article on a party that was co-thrown by DKE, the frattiest frat on campus, M O D E R N L O V E, hipster party of choice, and the Women's Center. Truly a collision of worlds.